Yeah, I'm probably an ass for going last night but honestly, I wanted to see with my own eyes just how messed up he was. And he was messed up. They had him on no meds, but he was still loopy from the klonopin he tried to OD on. His normal dose is one 2mg pill. he took about 35 pills. Which means he tried to get more than a month's supply. There was a note attached to his meds that said he can't have another refill until the week of Thanksgiving. That alone tells me this was probably premeditated - OR that he'd just been abusing them.
So yesterday before i went to see mike I did some crying at home. Probably due to not having my prozac for a few days. (Can't keep food down - meds come up, too, unfortunately.) Maybe a grieving of sorts I guess... But I was so mad, like what the hell is wrong with you and why would you do that to your kid????
It's the easy option to growing the fuck up and taking responsibility and it was a power play last night too because his male friends are all like, "Oh, Mike - you need support" and I'm all like "This is what they're going to make you do - and you'll just do it because you need to for your kids" and "be prepared - this is what they're going to tell you." But i'm not "touchy feely" about it. I'm realistic. And it's tough love that he is going to need - not someone holding his hand saying, "Poor baby" and letting him play the victim and lay blame everywhere else.
There are people on his phone that I don't have - like some AA people. And I figured he'd want them called, so I asked to get his phone just in case. So he was all "ask to take my phone," and then the guard checked with him (after getting it) and he's like "no, i don't want you to have it...but Rick can have it. He doesn't want me to call his AA buddy because he knows Craig will kick his ass...and so he'd rather just keep the info from them. Yeah, I'll get his phone soon enough. Craig is going to know about this. If not now, then eventually because the more people who are NOT me are kicking his ass, the more likely he is to actually fucking listen.
Anyway, I told him to just delete the fucking messages - that i didn't care. I'm sure he thought there was stuff on there that i could use against him. (Probably some texts between him and Linda that he didn't want me to see.) They take EVERYTHING when you go into the Psych Ward.
I was supposed to get his keys becuase i needed to remove guns from the apartment, but then he didn't even let me have those - gave them to Rick (Rick is like his brother) with "instructions" regarding his guns. Everything wsa handed to Rick, but here's the best part...then he was all like "You have to do this, and you have to do that, and you have to file this paper for me at work" (to ME) and i told him I will not be his secretary - especially if he was going to shut me out of everything else...like psych appts etc. But in the end, I will, because if I don't do it, it's the kids that suffer. I'm the one with the paperwork and the mad skillz, and I protect my children the best I can - financially, emotionally, physically...
I can't say I wasn't pissed, but it's his power play. Even still fucked up, and loopy, he has the energy and started getting pissed at me but held it in check in front of his friends. I wasn't trying to fight with him. I was being realistic and trying to help him realize what they were going to put him through. And that he needed to just man up and do it.
Apparently they put some charcoal in his veins or something (sounds weird - I don't think they do that, but they didn't pump his stomach...they did have him on an IV in the emergency room though to try to get it out of his system. Still, he was really loopy on no meds at all when we saw him. He shuffled like a zombie (had to chuckle at that) and I could see he had to think about what he was writing...through a fuzzy mind. But he remembered the phone number, and extension, without help, so I don't know...some of it may have been a ploy for sympathy.
I just can't believe even in that condition, just my mere presence puts him into a power play...I'm not going to visit him today I don't think. We'll see. I told Rick he should go see him by himself - clearly the dynamics between us are still too volatile (though I've really been incredibly nice through the whole thing). I just don't take b.s. and let him play the victim - not even now.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
How much more does it take?
The kids and I have been down with some kind of virus since late Sunday night. I'd like to find whoever gave us this bug du jour and kick him square in the crotch. Em had her flu shot, so that's probably why she's got it the least of the three of us. So while Kasia and I lay on the couch moaning about being sick and how horrible we felt, and how we were getting tired of tea and toast and trying to keep our insides where they belonged...on the inside. Em went to her dad's for the past few days. he was off, so it was ideal. She had more of a cough/ache/sinus thing. Kasia and I are sick from head to toe, but tummy and bowel are the major points right now. (TMI, I know. Sorry about that.)
Today Em was at Mike's (well, for the past few days), but he sent her home this morning after he called her into school. It's Wednesday. And Wednesday is his day with Linda. Linda's kids were at school and her husband was at work and pooooor Linda - I'm sure she didn't know what to do with herself.
At any rate, after telling him that she was really upset with him, because he was DITCHING her for Linda, Em came home, settled in, ticked all over the place (her anxiety makes her tic - Wednesdays, whether her dad and Linda are mentioned or not, still set her over the edge most weeks). He said he'd call or text Em when he got back and she could come over again. (So basically he ditched her for "coffee and breakfast" which everyone else reads as "quickie.") He never calls.
So she calls him, goes over, and I find out later that Linda was over there, with cupcakes, and they both basically ignored Emily - sat and talked, while Emily sat there and read a book. And she came home, because he had to sleep (had to work tonight), and whatever...
So apparently Kasia went over, asked what his problem was, why he would ditch his sick kid and go out with Linda, and he got in an argument with her, saying Linda is just his friend and he doesn't have to explain to her because he doesn't answer to his kid. Nice, eh? (I also didn't know this until later. Whatever.)
So later, about 3 p.m., I text him and tell him we're out of milk, please go get milk for his kids. He texts me back to send the kids over (meaning both of them) to get his. He never says to send "them." He will always say "one of the kids" or name one of them.
About ten minutes go by, Kasia calls me in a panic, and tells me to get over there right away, with Emily, and that she called the police.
Apparently he OD'd on clonazepam.
Kasia tells me that she got over there, and knocked, and opened the door (their usual routine at their dad's apartment). Mike called her into the bedroom and she hollered to him that she didn't want to (while still in the doorway). He told her that it "may be the last hug" she'll ever get from him. She asked why and he wouldn't answer her. So then he said, "when it's all over, don't cry."
She thought he'd been drinking again. (His AA site closed down and he hasn't found another one yet. It's been a couple of months.) He said he hadn't been drinking, but sure sounded totally hammered. He said, "I'm dying," and she said, "What the fuck did you do??" All he could mutter was "pills" and she immediately called 911 and then me.
We made it there at the same time as the police, and I told them where to go, that Kasia had called me. She is a royal mess...blames herself for "not caring enough" or "not giving him another chance."
If he really wanted to kill himself he wouldn't have asked me to "send the kids over" for the milk. I'm glad I didn't send Emily. She's enough of a mess.
So now they've transported him to ECMC and I called his work, called his friend and left a message, and told a few other people. I have yet to call his dad or his sister. I don't really want to. Not to save him embarassment...I could care less if he's embarrassed. But honestly, and I know it sounds really mean, but now he'll have all these people rallyng around poor ol' Mike with the mean ol' bitch of a wife, and the kids are dragged into it all.
I can only assume CPS will get involved. There's no real paperwork as far as divorce or visitation set up. It's all verbal agreement and the fact that he doesn't live here anymore.
And I knew it would come to this...or something like it. The paramedics were floored at the amount of meds in his cabinet. I told him to get rid of the ones he doesn't use, but he's a hoarder. And the fact that he's noncompliant means that he's just got loads and loads over there of unused meds - Vyvanse, Symbyax, Triplix (cholesterol)...and of course clonazepam. He has only ever taken the clonazepam regularly...and overused it more than once.
But this...this sickens me.
Today Em was at Mike's (well, for the past few days), but he sent her home this morning after he called her into school. It's Wednesday. And Wednesday is his day with Linda. Linda's kids were at school and her husband was at work and pooooor Linda - I'm sure she didn't know what to do with herself.
At any rate, after telling him that she was really upset with him, because he was DITCHING her for Linda, Em came home, settled in, ticked all over the place (her anxiety makes her tic - Wednesdays, whether her dad and Linda are mentioned or not, still set her over the edge most weeks). He said he'd call or text Em when he got back and she could come over again. (So basically he ditched her for "coffee and breakfast" which everyone else reads as "quickie.") He never calls.
So she calls him, goes over, and I find out later that Linda was over there, with cupcakes, and they both basically ignored Emily - sat and talked, while Emily sat there and read a book. And she came home, because he had to sleep (had to work tonight), and whatever...
So apparently Kasia went over, asked what his problem was, why he would ditch his sick kid and go out with Linda, and he got in an argument with her, saying Linda is just his friend and he doesn't have to explain to her because he doesn't answer to his kid. Nice, eh? (I also didn't know this until later. Whatever.)
So later, about 3 p.m., I text him and tell him we're out of milk, please go get milk for his kids. He texts me back to send the kids over (meaning both of them) to get his. He never says to send "them." He will always say "one of the kids" or name one of them.
About ten minutes go by, Kasia calls me in a panic, and tells me to get over there right away, with Emily, and that she called the police.
Apparently he OD'd on clonazepam.
Kasia tells me that she got over there, and knocked, and opened the door (their usual routine at their dad's apartment). Mike called her into the bedroom and she hollered to him that she didn't want to (while still in the doorway). He told her that it "may be the last hug" she'll ever get from him. She asked why and he wouldn't answer her. So then he said, "when it's all over, don't cry."
She thought he'd been drinking again. (His AA site closed down and he hasn't found another one yet. It's been a couple of months.) He said he hadn't been drinking, but sure sounded totally hammered. He said, "I'm dying," and she said, "What the fuck did you do??" All he could mutter was "pills" and she immediately called 911 and then me.
We made it there at the same time as the police, and I told them where to go, that Kasia had called me. She is a royal mess...blames herself for "not caring enough" or "not giving him another chance."
If he really wanted to kill himself he wouldn't have asked me to "send the kids over" for the milk. I'm glad I didn't send Emily. She's enough of a mess.
So now they've transported him to ECMC and I called his work, called his friend and left a message, and told a few other people. I have yet to call his dad or his sister. I don't really want to. Not to save him embarassment...I could care less if he's embarrassed. But honestly, and I know it sounds really mean, but now he'll have all these people rallyng around poor ol' Mike with the mean ol' bitch of a wife, and the kids are dragged into it all.
I can only assume CPS will get involved. There's no real paperwork as far as divorce or visitation set up. It's all verbal agreement and the fact that he doesn't live here anymore.
And I knew it would come to this...or something like it. The paramedics were floored at the amount of meds in his cabinet. I told him to get rid of the ones he doesn't use, but he's a hoarder. And the fact that he's noncompliant means that he's just got loads and loads over there of unused meds - Vyvanse, Symbyax, Triplix (cholesterol)...and of course clonazepam. He has only ever taken the clonazepam regularly...and overused it more than once.
But this...this sickens me.
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