Family Therapy

We took advantage of the family therapy option of Em's therapist.  We also got Kasia set up for an assessment (she's got severe hatred for her father, and typical teen angst/depression...and it's not a good mix to say the least).  We also got the four of us in one room (Kasia on one side of me, Mike on the other) and I think Em's therapist (we'll call her DM) saw through some of his bullshit.

It came up that Em crawls into bed with Mike.  Unacceptable.
It came up that he sleeps A LOT when she's there.  Unacceptable.
It came up that she is afraid of him when he rages.  Unacceptable.

His job - to talk to his doc about getting his meds tweaked and getting the sleep and rage issues under control.  DM asked if there was any benefit to having Em overnight.  He couldn't answer the question.  We decided it's better for her to stay separated from each house - his during the week, and mine on weekends that he's off.  It makes it less confusing for her, less easy for her to run home when she's upset, and makes clear boundaries for everyone.  I have her during the week.  If he wishes to spend time with her on a weekday it's for a few hours AFTER homework is done.

We made clear boundaries as far as homework goes:

• If she doesn't bring home homework brought home, she gets chores during what would have been homework time.
• If homework is "lost" (and found that you lied), there will be no fun events on the weekend.
• If homework issues continue, the phone is taken away, as is any fun events that week.  More chores are added.
• Homework must be made up (completely) before fun events are given back.  If that means sitting at the table for HOURS to complete it, that's what will happen.  Small breaks are given, and crunchy snacks, to boost brain power. 
• Tantrums are dealt with swiftly.  

As for Kasia - she's got no want to be near him.  Just seeing him makes her upset.  She wavers between "indifferent" to "god i hate him" to feeling sorry for him, but knowing you can't fix a narcissist.  Funny thing, I'm learning that, too.  It's a slow process.  Still, I encourage her to be polite, respectful, and respond when he speaks to her, even if it's a word or two (without snark in her voice).

So therapy will continue.  I think we'll do family therapy once a month all together.  I would like to get in with my kids from time to time, just to let them know that we're all on the same side.  I really do want the girls to have some sort of relationship with their father. I just don't want them damaged by it.  I don't know if that's even possible, to be honest.  In the meantime, we talk...and talk...and talk.

So that's where we stand.  More on this after the next therapy session.  

The Job Search (aka What I've Learned)

It's no secret I've been out of the workforce for many years with a back injury, moving, getting married and raising a family...  What I didn't expect was for me, someone with at least an AAS degree, to have such difficulty finding a damn job.  Yes, even in this economy.  (Economy gets blamed for everything; as does global warming.  And me.  But I digress.)

So I've filled out tons of online applications.  No one wants face to face until you get to the interview process.  I can understand wanting to weed out certain type of people, or those who don't want to work, but honestly...there should be some kind of code for that.  Women who have raised families have tons of skills - I can be a firefighter!  I put out fires on a daily basis for the last 15 years...and still do!!  (Almost another anniversary coming up.  Sixteen *glorious* years...  Yeah, did you see that eye roll?  No, I'm not epileptic and having a seizure.)

I'm *trying*. I'm limited as to standing and lifting, but assembling science kits?  Sounded like the perfect job for me.  Did I get the job?  Sure I did...that is until they learned I couldn't stand all day.  Should that not have been noted in the job description? I could use a stool, or something just to get the weight off my hips and back.  But nooooo....  Rather than ACCOMMODATE me, they'd rather hire an able-bodied person who probably doesn't want the job anyway, but is forced to work because Social Services makes them.  *sigh*  Yeah, ok, some perfectly good person will get that job, I'm sure.  I'm just very discouraged right now.  Three other applications - I got a rejection letter within SECONDS (I shit you not!) of applying.  My friend G's company is constantly hiring.  That's the one I applied for.  And got rejected.  Immediately. Really?  I'm not qualified to answer phones???  Perhaps I'm overqualified as I can type.  And think.  And take care of multiple things at once.  You'd think I was a real catch, wouldn't you?  Urg.

Any job I can physically do.  I would clean toilets for money and seriously wondering if I could manage to clean hotel rooms.  Could my body handle it?

In other news...Tim and I are nearing 11 mos.  I'm thrilled.  His birthday is coming up and I have something nice planned for the two of us.  That is, if I get money before then.   I don't want him paying for his own stuff...  I used to do that for Christmas.  Buy my own shit.  It's degrading and demeaning, and just very...stupid.  I want to earn it, pay for it, and do it for him all myself.

No child support yet.  Hopefully we'll both get some money in the next few days.  Mike went down to get his child support lowered.

I have to research depakote. He said it made him angrier. IDK.  I just don't see him going back to work, which means I need to bail us out AGAIN.  I wonder if there's a way to prove he's not paying for the house at all, so in the divorce I can get his name off it without him getting anything.

I have so much going through my head it isn't even funny.  But first things first.  In other aspects of my life, I'm happier than I've EVER been before (and yes, I'm very realistic about this).  And I need a job.  I have a few things on the back burner.  You know - those "hurry up and wait" deals.  I have to wait for someone else to make the next move.  Hopefully it'll be a good one and worth my while.

In the meantime...I'm gonna keep loving on Tim, hoping he doesn't find me too needy (I need a lot of touch right now), and keep my hopes up for the future.  More in the next post on therapy.