I found out a bit more detail from Pete (my friend whose wife is Mike's "friend.") See, Pete's been where Mike is - although not quite. He wasn't admitted, but held and released for a comment he had made two months prior. His mother got concerned, called it in, and he was taken in for observation. he knows how it feels to sit there, lonely, bored, at the end of your rope. When I saw Pete, I told him he's a saint. If it were me I'd pretty much be like "you know what - sit there and rot, you bastard. Look what you did to your family and what you're doing to mine." But I digress...
Anyway, I got more detail - things that his friends can get out of him that I can't...and they have the "guy thing" going on, so whatever.
I don't think he actually set Kasia up to find him (and certainly not to save him), though he could have NOT called her into his room to say goodbye. If he REALLY wanted to he could have just let her get the milk and go home and pretended he was just sleeping. Apparently he had taken the pills before she came or before he even knew she was coming, and took about 35 or so Klonopin (2 mg) pills. So I just don't know. I honestly think he was making an attempt, because there are other "clues" that I found.
When Rick and I went back to clear the apt of guns and pills, I found where he had just refilled meds and gotten a new bottle of Klonopin with a note on it saying he cannot get more until the week after Thanksgiving...so that tells me he was trying to get a larger supply. Then I found a "written referral" for his work. He got in trouble for something that was totally out of his character.
See, he's the guy that they go to at work to work any position - train anyone, etc. Or at least he was. Lately he's been taking his FMLA (unpaid but can't lose his job) days left and right, and then this written strike. Wow. I think he was using at work, too - or at least right before he went to sleep, took too much, and was "groggy" at work (which Klonopin tends to do).
He was *supposed* to be taking Vyvanse, Symbiax, and Klonopin - for Depression and Anxiety. He was non-compliant on EVERYTHING but took Klonopin when he wanted to sleep. He only sometimes took the omeprazole (reflux) or Triplix (cholesterol) meds. He almost NEVER took the Vyvanse or Symbiax.
Soooo.... It wasn't the meds that made him suicidal. It's the fact that he got overwhelmed, didn't know how to handle it, and tried to take the easy way out - and hoped that financially the insurance would take care of us (pretty likely I'm sure). Just the "it'd be better for everyone if I just wasn't alive anymore" (which may very well be true, but I'm not exactly the best person to ask right now).
I have been somewhat where he is right now. Who hasn't? Everyone I know has had the thought at some point in their life when things were pretty shitty to just "end it all" and "god it wold just be so much easier if..." You know?
But I have kids. And they are my life. And I have reassured them over and over and over that everything I do, I do for them...with them...so they can have a good life. And that I'm not going anywhere.
So Pete got a bit more scoop as confidante than anyone else at this point. (Rick has his son for the weekend so he won't be seeing Mike I don't think.) A few other people have visited - yes, including Linda. Whatever. He was saying goodbye to a few people before he made the attempt, making amends of sorts. I have no idea what was said or if it was a "cry for help" because I don't know how things were worded.
But between that and the fact that he tried to get his hands on a lot more klonopin...I'm torn as to whether or not it was totally intentional or just a cry. He still had half a bottle of the pills left. But let me tell you that he's still unmedicated at the facility (it's the weekend, but don't you think they'd give him SOMETHING??) It took a good few days to get him to "come down" from the Klonopin (or up as the case may be).
When he was admitted, he was incredibly loopy on something. And he doesn't have the ability to act and fool me in cases like those. (I always know when he's faking sick.) I just don't know.
Nor do I really care at this point. I just want to be able to keep the kids safe, keep the house, and pay the bills. The rest is just cake.
2 comments:
Cautioning you on getting sucked into this drama... you're feeling for him, you're making a couple of justifications for his behavior. Dangerous territory.
But yeah, I could see where he's crying for help... and then there's that he'd "die before he'd admit you're right" portion of our show. SIGH.
I'm guessing that they're not giving him anything to see how he's reacting to real life - without it. As well as, it's the weekend. His doctor may not have even been in yet.
I know, Kat. Honest - I'm not going to fall for his BS. His problems are not my problems. Only when they affect the children. I had him tell Emily tonight that he would not be allowed to see her until much after he was released - and even then not alone for overnights. (I only ever put him on speakerphone with them when he calls, so I can keep an eye on what he's telling them.)
Kasia still refuses to speak to him other than "yeah" and "no."
Post a Comment