Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Waiting for a fresh start

Because going downtown TERRIFIES me and throws me into an instant panic attack (and I have no idea why), a friend will go with me.  He's been there lots of times, knows his way around, and will drive.  (He hates my driving.  Apparently the rush of being on death's door doesn't appeal to him.)  In turn, I will help him move when the time comes.  See - I loves me the barter system.

Mike's been...well, Mike.  he's already missed  a dose, called me hollering and being generally nasty, and set off a ton of triggers. (Actually the first time he told ME to call HIM and answered the phone with a 'WHAT???"  Yeesh.)  Yeah, not much is going to change with the dynamics.

Anyway...  So once i get downtown and get the paperwork i need, I can get social services, and hopefully get out from under this CRAPPY FEELING that I have had lately.

But wait...what's that, you ask?  I AM HOT!  No, not hot flashes.  Apparently there's something in the air here in WNY.  I don't mean snow.  I have no idea what it is.  But there are guys who like me.  (And no, still so very NOT interested, but I haven't felt lovable in a very long time.  So it's nice.)  Heck, even the kid behind the counter at Timmy Ho's (local coffee place) was flirting with me BIG TIME.  While I could be his cougar mom, I thought it was cute...and sweet...and hey, he was pretty cute himself. He flirted with me to the extent that his female coworker kicked him. Heh.

The girls and I did a Spa Night.  Pulled out bins to soak our feet, nail polish with which to pretty our nails, and the make up box of stuff we almost never wear.  Just for shits and giggles I hookerfied myself.  I was hookerlicious!!  (I rarely wear more than eyeliner and mascara, so I didn't have far to go.  LMAO!)

So....  yesterday was better.  Today Mike got paid, so I feel a bit of weight off knowing that I can actually go buy some groceries and pay the mortgage (and then be back to my normal broke state).  It helps.

Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure takes some of the pressure off.  I don't need much extra...just as long as the bills are getting paid and we have the basics.  Momma raised me right.

3 comments:

birdy said...

One step at a time. (((((Love you Chicka)))))

KatKit13 said...

Hey, getting back to REAL life - not the fake reality you got sucked into, takes TIME. You didn't end up thinking fake reality was "normal" over night. It was a slow insidious process. And it will take baby steps. But hey, practicing on real NTs is a great step. And the kind ones will still be there for you.

btw, THIS friend will never bail. Period. And wtf is up with Peter? He was your friend only if you could dish on his wife? NIIIICCCEEE. Sometimes people need smacked - till their friggin' heads spin.

huggles.
moi/mwah

buffi said...

I feel you. Hang in there my friend. My Mike is putting enough money in my checking acct to take care of us, but I just always have this feeling that I don't know what is going to happen next. I'm ready to be in control of my life again. To know for sure that I can take care of my babies.

I'm so glad you & the girlies did your spa night. I'm sure that was good for all three of you. Concentrate on the good stuff. Make their lives with you as stable and happy as they can be. You are a good mom w/ good instincts. Take care of You.

Love you!